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To Be a Woman in Pakistan: Six Stories of Abuse, Shame, and Survival

Anum Rehman Chagani. There's a life we paint on Facebook — then there's the truth we divulge in super secret groups. She felt uncomfortable seeking advice from her mother regarding her love life. Women in Pakistan certainly have a presence on general social networks, but sites specifically for women are increasingly gaining women members, creating platforms for them to connect and to share advice.

Women use these closed groups to support one another through careers, marriage, motherhood, parenting and everyday lives, inspiring each other or finding others who share an interest. Through conversation and compassion, these like-minded communities of women are empowering each other.

Within a couple of weeks, over 3, women had joined the group, from all walks of life, mostly from all over Pakistan but a lot from other parts of the world as well. Today the strength of this group has more than doubled and it boasts of over 7, members. This is not the only private online group in Pakistan that caters specifically to women and solving their problems — there are many others, and their popularity is spiking. Secret groups such as SB are one of several ways technology has changed the way we interact with each other in a highly urbanised, impersonal environment.

Working and residing in a city can easily get stressful and lonely, and metropolitan life has a way of eroding the community ties that buoyed our parents and their generation. Many would argue that some of these groups are exclusive domains only for certain socio-economic groups. But as more and more Pakistanis get access to and use the internet, more diversity is likely to be seen.

Well, rather than turning to one or two really good friends for advice, the women of these groups consult a carefully curated crowd of hundreds or thousands, constantly.

Another, much larger secret group is called Soul Sisters. Kanwal Ahmed, the brains behind the group, claims that these online groups bring women together not just online, but offline too.

Plus, the meet-ups that happen through this group are also a source of networking and meeting new, compatible people. These forums are the natural end result of constant connectivity.

Real friends may be busy and the spouse might be at work but, through Facebook groups, young women are surrounded by people who are always up to hear about their day, their problems and are there to offer support. Some would argue, however, that PBS is only a space for only the elite. Most postings revolve around beauty tips and which high-end makeup brands to buy. The group members post photos of their makeup tests and trials for feedback. The groups then tend to reflect opinions of their administrators, which some take issue with — proving that even on Facebook, friend-groups are not without drama.

Kanwal shrugs off criticism that Soul Sisters, which is conservative in its ethos, plays a part in moral policing or cyber bullying. And just the fact that Soul Sisters is doing so well — it has been the source of inspiration for many other women-oriented groups on Facebook, as well as a household name in urban Pakistan — speaks volumes about the fact that good administration got it to a good place. The success of Soul Sisters led to the creation of a public website called the Soul Sisters Pakistan blog that Kanwal set up, creating real employment opportunities for aspiring writers.

This is what even services such as Tinder thrive on: the desire for that constant, instant communication. These groups offer the same appeal except in a platonic context. Kanwal may come off as high-strung to some but she may be on to something by defining boundaries. What started out as a community of women has grown to a group that currently has over 13, members.

Kanwal claims she receives over requests a day from people who want to join the group, and that she tediously sifts through these requests to keep the sorority exclusive and devoid of fake IDs and trolls.

Recently a Facebook group called Soul Bastards inspired by SB but only for men began posting screenshots of private posts on Soul Bitches. And if there is something they would not want family to end up finding about, it is best to just post anonymously. Fatyma Naim, who is a member of the Facebook group SB, has become the unofficial spokeswoman of sort for women who seek advice anonymously. For one, there is a lack of real community spaces in Pakistan. Women have very few mediums that belong solely to them.

In Pakistan specially, inclusive places for women to come together to commune and heal are few and far between, which is why women are afraid to be themselves in real life. The lack of autonomy in the physical world is forcing them to take their need for sociability and retreat to an online harbour, so the psychological benefit is evident.

Women in these groups say that they have helped them get jobs, informed them about feminism and informed them about global affairs too. Clinical psychologist Shameen Khan sheds some light on the matter. These forums have something for anyone and everyone. Convenience could play a huge role in the surge of such groups. Women always had their parties and social hangouts.

This just fits our hectic routines better. Women thrive in flocks. Our mothers had sewing circles or books clubs or pen pals or NGOs. The women of today have social forums. Most of the members on the group knew that.

However, a few weeks ago I found out my ex-boyfriend was getting engaged. And then all hell broke loose. They said I was a bad wife and ungrateful, among other things. It was awful. Topics such as religion, politics and men are always volatile subjects on these women-only forums — especially men.

Why do women end up betraying their own gender for them? Is it a survival of the fittest-esque competition, is it jealousy, is it internalised sexism? While a lot of these groups are becoming more welcoming, many still fail to provide the support most members are seeking. Two days later, however, she requested that some of her details be omitted — she wanted to have her name in the piece changed because she was afraid she would be ostracised by her virtual gal pals.

Will women ever find their sanctuary, be it online or offline? Originally published in Dawn, Sunday Magazine, December 4th, How secret Facebook groups are changing female friendship in Pakistan Updated Dec 05, pm. Twitter Share. Facebook Count. Read this next. Closed 24 comments. Popular Newest Oldest. Dec 05, pm. So women created a constructive group while all men could do was that they created a group to ridicule the women's group.

Shows mentality of typical Pakistani men. Recommend 0. We, the men, are much simpler creatures by comparison. It is okay to create private groups on internet, but what is dangerous is that the same internet is being used by many cyber criminals, men and women both.

How can you make sure that your private thoughts, private things won't be used by any cyber bully and criminal to defame you. Facebook secret groups are also used by many for clandestine activities, sexual randevous and illicit affair - especially when the parents and spouses don't know its existence, or are at work or when the phone is conveniently used 'outside the home'.

There are many social ills of social media, that no one on this forum has bothered to address, but rave about it only in positive terms. Sadly, these trends also has a downside.

I personally know a lot of people who have very few actual friends that they see and visit often, in their own city or country, but have hundreds of 'virtual' friends on Facebook that they chat with or exchange photos with on almost daily basis. In fact they spend more time on their phones exchanging messages than talking with their own parents, siblings or neighbors.

Is it any wonder they have 'secrets'?? Sad these social-misfits only fit with their own kind on line, but not with the person sitting right next to them. I agree we can be complicated but I think us women feel very much the same about men too!! It is wonderful to know that Pakistani women are making a public space for themselves where they can discuss and share their ideas without being hindered.

And I'm not at all surprised that while women have come together to discuss social issues, men are using the same platform to shame women. Pakistan needs to become a lot more supportive of women using their voices.

Do not portray men as innocent and simple when they are the reason women need to find spaces online to voice themselves. Too many men refuse to see that they are part of the issue and an obstruction towards a solution. Awesome Lyrics. Mahmood I think they are done by people of a mature age group, perhaps knowingly or may be unknowingly, so there is nothing illegal or anything we could do about it. Every good thing has side effect, even oxygen. Hassan zahoor khan. Men the simplest of the lot. Women and esp.

Ali S. Mahmood You don't have to worry about the 'social ills of social media' which affect a tiny privileged segment of our population anyway in Pakistan when far more disturbing social ills like honor killings, forced marriages and lynching minorities based on hearsay are defended out in the open. These kind of distorted priorities make me hopeless in this country's future and its youth.

Shah Who said any thing about being "innocent"? See, now you have complicated the discussion :! And thats how it all begins Haha what an oversimplification! Pakistani women are stunningly beautiful.

Muslim women in Pakistan

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If you have time and the inclination to read it and especially if you are an Indian or a Pakistani, please read it with all the love. Thank you!

BESAG is an educational psychologist and former teacher who is an international expert on school bullying prevention. Besag has been the recipient of the prestigious Churchill Fellowship which allowed her to travel overseas to further understand and explore the phenomenon of bullying and peer support in schools. Account Options Connexion. Understanding Girls' Friendships, Fights and Feuds. This book offers detailed practical advice for dealing with girls bullying, which will help both students and teachers to understand and combat different kinds of bullying, as well as comprehensive guidance for preventing or reducing bullying activities among girls.

How can a Pakistani and an Indian be friends?

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Friends from Pakistan - find love, friendship, sex

Anum Rehman Chagani. There's a life we paint on Facebook — then there's the truth we divulge in super secret groups. She felt uncomfortable seeking advice from her mother regarding her love life. Women in Pakistan certainly have a presence on general social networks, but sites specifically for women are increasingly gaining women members, creating platforms for them to connect and to share advice.

I am a university graduate,down to earth, watching movies and reading are my favorite pastime. I want to travel the world with a camera.

According to a poll of experts by the Thomson Reuters Foundation Poll, Pakistan is the third most dangerous country for women in the world. It cited the more than 1, women and girls murdered in "honor killings" every year and reported that 90 percent of Pakistani women suffer from domestic violence. Westerners usually associate the plight of Pakistani women with religious oppression, but the reality is far more complicated. A certain mentality is deeply ingrained in strictly patriarchal societies like Pakistan.

Pakistani Women And Girls in Karāchi

Online dating website business plan template This great Pakistani dating site gives you the chance to search for a suitable partner online and get the vital information before meeting them, providing an avenue for both of you to meet if you are ready. Online dating is becoming very popular especially with site in social networking and it has proven to work. Due to this fact, there are many online dating websites but not all offer quality services to their clients. You are to choose the best and the one offering the most man services.

Conversations around where one is from, and what one does can all be good conversation starters, likely to encourage others to respond in a similar way. In the context of formal meetings, most Pakistanis expect Canadians to go directly to the subject of the meeting. During these meetings, it is important for Canadians to convey information about their experience and project they are engaged in with passion. It is very normal for individuals to ask about educational background and about families in first interactions. Pakistanis tend to find connections mentioning that they know someone who has lived or work there. Finding a common ground can make conversation easy.

Transgender in Pakistan: Maya, the woman who almost broke free

The role of women in Islamic societies, not to mention in the religion itself, is a defining issue. Reflecting this heterogeneity, the editor of this volume has assembled the latest research on the issue, which combines contemporary with historical data. The material comes from around the world as well as from Muslim and non-Muslim researchers. It takes in work from majority Muslim nations such as Bangladesh, Iran, Iraq, Lebanon, Pakistan, Palestine, Tunisia and Turkey, as well as countries with troubled interfaith relations such as India and Israel. In each case, the work is underpinned by the very latest socio-theological insights and empirical data. He has been chief investigator of a number of Australian Government funded projects concerned with aspects of Islam and has written extensively in the area. In , he was presented with an award by the Sydney-based Muslim association, Affinity Intercultural Dialogue, for academic work that promoted understanding of Islam. Account Options Connexion.

Men and women display affection for friends of the same gender publicly but not so for Canadian women may approach female Pakistani colleagues in public.

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