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Get a friend to stop cutting

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I have written many blogs on the subject of cutting. But, today, I want to talk specifically to the friends of cutters. This can be a hard subject to talk about and it can be a very sensitive subject to the cutter so it is important to keep the following things in mind when trying to help. Someone recently wrote to me and asked : My friend is cutting. My friend who i trusted so much and told her about my cutting, did not support me, told me to stop a couple of times and didint mention anything at all. What should I do.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Watch This if You Want to Cut a Friend Off - AdviceWithAsh

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Cutting and Self-Harm

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Self-Harm is an increasingly pervasive symptom of emotional distress among adolescent girls. Because it involves physical damage to the sufferer, cutting understandably evokes distress and fear in others. Viewed on a continuum, self-harming behavior can easily—though not always accurately—be interpreted as a precursor to suicidal behavior.

With the epidemic in cutting that has erupted in the past several years, adolescent therapies—and therapists—have had a tough time keeping up. There are, however, a number of tried and true, research-supported approaches to therapy that can help adolescents manage and overcome the impulse to cut or self harm. Relationships free from abuse and neglect are paramount in the treatment of self-harmers. Before assisting a girl with self-harm, we must assess whether or not she is safe in her current situation.

If she is not, the concerned therapist, friend, or caregiver must report the abuse or neglect to the proper authorities and obtain professional counseling for the adolescent. Therapists, parents and other caregivers send a message of compassion and concern when they remove the obvious, easily-accessible objects.

We communicate that we are fully committed to the healing process, and we model safety in our physical surroundings. It is wise to remove as many sharp objects as possible, understanding that adolescent self-injurers will harm with whatever is around. Tiny screws in the light switch, a stray staple in the carpet, jagged rocks, and the sharp edges of construction paper — it is impossible to remove all of these from a home or school. So why try? Because therapists, parents, and other caregivers send a message of compassion and concern when they remove the obvious, easily-accessible objects.

It sets us up to move into the most important part of therapy for self-harm: a nurturing, safe relationship. When parents overreact, they inadvertently shame their already ashamed child. It is important to know that self-harm does not always lead to suicidal behavior.

For some girls cutting is a cry for someone to show compassion toward them. For these girls, psychotherapist and author Steven Levenkron writes, "talk, trust, healthy attachment, intimacy, and secure communication are the necessary building blocks for change. This is the foundation which parents and therapists must lay before healing can begin. On their webpage dedicated to eliminating self-harm through education, the Mayo Clinic advises adolescent self-harmers that "expanding social networks" is a great way to help mitigate self-harm.

Why is this? Because connection with other human beings is the primary way for adolescent girls who hurt themselves to reduce shame, feel valued, and fill time with healthy activities. Connection with other human beings is the primary way for adolescent girls who hurt themselves to reduce shame, feel valued, and fill time with healthy activities.

Other female adolescent clients of mine have found comfort in sharing their anxieties with a trusted friend. Additionally, the advent of social networking technologies makes an entire group of healthy friends immediately accessible with a simple text message via cell phone.

Often, there is deeper meaning to adolescent self-injury than what might be readily observable. One young woman wrote the following after her therapist asked her to define her deeper reasons for self harm. Sort of like how when you're helping someone with an eating disorder you don't obsess about their weight, you figure out why they have developed an eating disorder and deal with those issues. Most adolescents struggle with knowing who they are, but this is an even more difficult dilemma for teens engaged in cutting.

When a therapist or other caregiver helps a young woman reconnect with her identity, especially who she was as a child, it can be a powerful entry point for effective therapy and can help correct the problem. Often, the pain with which she is trying to cope has blinded her to any positive events in her past.

Scrapbooks, photographs, and stories about her can be touchstones she can return to when she forgets who she is or is confused by the turmoil that the immediate pain causes in her life. The pain threatens the very idea of their self-worth.

Building on the foundation of an affirming relationship, she will be more likely to listen when we tell her what we think of her. If we tie our stories to concrete events, to things which she cannot deny have happened, it adds credibility to our opinion of her, and she will eventually return to a more complete memory of herself.

At her core, she begins to lose hope in the value she brings to the world and her family and friends. She loses touch with the infinite part of herself — the part which cannot be measured and which is invaluable. Our relationships should be built on alliance, not compliance. As therapists and parents, we sometimes forget that our job is to influence adolescents in our care to make good decisions, not to manipulate, shame, or control them into more positive behavior.

We become so anxious for the welfare of our clients and daughters, that we unthinkingly trade their individual agency for our need to reduce our own anxiety about their safety. Authoritarian forms of relationship will eventually produce the opposite of what we want.

Why do I state this so strongly? The most simplistic example is this: when the young woman leaves our presence, our immediate influence ends. So, we have established a physical environment that is safe. We have a healthy, affirming relationship with the adolescent. She explores the deeper issues that plague her. She is able to see value in her life. She expresses a desire to change and has proven, through a series of recent choices, that she means to follow through on her newfound commitment to life.

Success is right around the corner! Success should be right around the corner! If you're not seeing the improvements you'd like to see in your daughter's self-harm behaviors, or if you think she needs more intense care, call us today. We'll discuss her unique situation and whether or not New Haven might be a good fit for your family.

Safety First. Love vs. Re-Engage Core Identity. Personal Power and Choice. Replace the Self-harm with Alternative Activities. The person who suggested this mentioned that she would make a big sculpture and then do whatever she wanted to it. She said it was helpful to calm the urge to self-injure, plus it gave others clues to what might be going on.

Draw a picture of what or who is making you angry Instead of harming yourself, try massaging the area you want to harm with oils or creams, reminding yourself that you are special and you deserve to treat yourself and your body with love and respect Go to church or your place of worship Wear a bracelet or something that will fit on the places that you injure.

These letters do not have to be in perfect form and you do not have to please anyone but yourself. You do not have to give these letters to the people, but it is a great way to release the feelings that you are carrying.

After you write the letters, you can decide then what to do with them. Some people find destroying the letters helpful i. Do some household chores Cook Try some sewing, cross stitch, etc. Use the object you typically use to self-harm in the way it is meant to be used Recite a poem or prayer that comforts you Write down all your positive points and why you do not deserve to be hurt Write in your journal why you want to hurt yourself.

If you have hurt yourself, write down what caused it to happen so in the future you can prevent it from happening Play some kind of musical instrument. Getting the tears out can make you feel better Take a shower Sing a song about what you are feeling. You can even make one up Scribble on paper.

Clutch the pen in your fist. Carry it in your pocket or tape it to the bathroom mirror. Summary of Therapeutic Elements for Adolescent Cutters. What is Milieu Treatment for Cutting?

5 Helpful Things to Say to a Friend Who Self-Harms (and 3 to Avoid)

Anna was wearing long sleeves under her soccer jersey again. But when Anna raised her arm, Monica noticed fresh cuts on her forearm. When she saw Monica looking at them, Anna said something about losing a fight with her mother's rose bushes. You're aware that some people — both guys and girls — cut themselves on purpose. Could your friend be one of them?

If someone you love is hurting themselves through self-harm , you may feel at a loss. Self-harm is typically best understood as an unhealthy coping mechanism for emotional suffering, according to the National Alliance on Mental Health NAMI.

Learn more. Emma's mom first noticed the cuts when Emma was doing the dishes one night. Emma told her mom that their cat had scratched her. Her mom seemed surprised that the cat had been so rough, but she didn't think much more about it.

What You Should Know About Cutting

Cutting is a form of self-harm that can become a habit. With the right support, many people who cut learn how to stop. Self-harm, including cutting, is not uncommon. Anyone of any age may be affected by self-harm, but it is more common among people in their teens. The sense of relief from cutting can be so reinforcing that it may be difficult to stop doing it, compelling people to cut again the next time they feel overwhelmed. If cutting becomes a habit, people may find it hard to resist the urge, but there are many ways to learn to stop. Not every strategy works for everyone, but most people will find a way that works for them. This article explores strategies to stop cutting. It also looks at ways to manage the causes of self-harm and what support is available.

How to stop yourself or someone else from cutting

Self-Harm is an increasingly pervasive symptom of emotional distress among adolescent girls. Because it involves physical damage to the sufferer, cutting understandably evokes distress and fear in others. Viewed on a continuum, self-harming behavior can easily—though not always accurately—be interpreted as a precursor to suicidal behavior. With the epidemic in cutting that has erupted in the past several years, adolescent therapies—and therapists—have had a tough time keeping up. There are, however, a number of tried and true, research-supported approaches to therapy that can help adolescents manage and overcome the impulse to cut or self harm.

Cutting is when a person deliberately hurts themselves by scratching or cutting their body with a sharp object. The reasons someone might do this are complicated.

You want to know how you can help a friend who is cutting. When someone tells you they are cutting, they are struggling and looking for someone to listen. Bullying, divorce, death of a parent, for example. It can go from being a habit to an addiction which is dangerous.

What to say to someone who tells you they are cutting

Search Questions or Ask New:. Top Rated Answers. Try to find out more about why your friend does it.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: 5 Self-Harm TIPS - Kati Morton

The thought that a friend might be self-injuring can be shocking and confusing. You may be angry and frustrated with your friend for hurting themselves, and you may have no clue about what to do or how to help. It can be tough to grasp why someone would want to intentionally harm themself. Learning why people self-injure helps you better understand what your friend is going through and empathize with them. This also helps you become better equipped to help them.

How Can I Help a Friend Who Cuts?

Cutting is a form of self-harming that is done with no intent of suicide. People who resort to multiple episodes of cutting are usually those who fall in the category of people experiencing loneliness, emptiness in the heart, those having difficult or dysfunctional relationships. People who cut themselves may also have an inability to cope with stress, an inability to express feelings and emotions owing to inadequate communication skills, have had traumatic experiences, or may have undergone abuse of some kind, which can be sexual, physical, or emotional at some point of their lives. It can be scary to find out that someone you know is cutting themselves, but you can support them by helping them cope with their emotions and encouraging them to seek professional help. Suggest to your friend or loved one that they take up exercise, like running or cycling, or a relaxation activity, such as yoga, since physical activities can help express sadness or aggression in a positive way. You could also suggest they keep a journal where they write about their feelings and thoughts, because this may help them deal with their emotions without turning to self-harm. If your loved one is open to seeking help, encourage them to see a mental health professional, such as a counselor, who can help them come to terms with their behavior.

Mar 26, - Cutting is a form of self-harming that is done with no intent of suicide. People who resort to multiple episodes of cutting are usually those who.

Self-harm can be a way for a person to feel something when experiencing numbness or to distract themselves from depression or anxiety. Some people cut to create a wound that can symbolize their emotional pain, while others use cutting as a way to avoid telling loved ones about their feelings. There can be a link between self-harm and childhood trauma like physical abuse, sexual abuse, and neglect. Other links include mental health issues like:.

Self-harm can be a way of dealing with deep distress and emotional pain. Afterwards, you probably feel better—at least for a little while. But then the painful feelings return, and you feel the urge to hurt yourself again.

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Comments: 2
  1. Meztilar

    Very much the helpful information

  2. Nikojas

    The matchless phrase, very much is pleasant to me :)

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